I googled up and down “the intense desire/sexual attraction to be someone else” and didn’t come up with much of anything. It looks like I’ll be mulling this around in my mind for a little while, it is something that has always been in the back of my mind, so it’ll remain there. It feels almost like a key piece of the sexual puzzle. There have been other posts of mine where I’ve flirted with this notion, that the guys that I’m attracted to, I wan’t to “be” them. There was once too, a blog post about how as a child, my favorite X-men was Morph, a misunderstood character who had the ability to morph into whoever he wanted.
This question is rolling around like one would a nice piece of steak, wanting to savor fully before swallowing. What does this mean? It certainly helped to not feel alone, that google search left much to be desired. Oh to talk to Freud and ask him for his opinion all the while avoiding his advances.
Much of last week was spent refocusing my attention on work. Training afforded me some extra time spent with HunkyCoworker. Close quarters combined with an incredible amount of lust and desire resulted in something that was no bueno.
Fuck you guys, he was scratching his waist or something. I glanced over at him and I got a full shot of his boxers, his nice tight stomach and what looked to be a few abs. His shirt was pulling up, cause you know… he’s just a dude, scratching himself and not giving a shit. I looked, I’m not going to lie. Ok, well it reads as kinda creepy, but I wasn’t noticed. No one thought anything of it, except for me of course. Except for this guy, the one going crazy.
It’s not all guys. I’m not attracted to all guys, just certain ones and I’m finding that these certain ones, they have something that I want. They are someone that I want to be/be like. Women are an entirely different thing too. I’m pickier with what attracts me to women and like with men, I’m not attracted to every single chick I meet. The attitude I take towards women is not one of “I want to be you” it’s more like “I want to have you.”
There is much digging to be done. I question at times why there is so much to dig thru and what if anything it’ll help. It probably won’t change anything, but perhaps help me understand. We’ll see where any of this goes, cause I’m interested in finding out.
Posted on Sunday, 18 November
Tagged as: bisexuality sexual desire sexuality psychology