This. Slut. Is. Back.
with headlines that don’t particularly match the content of the post. :)
I have felt so so damn off the last couple of weeks. I don’t know how to describe it without sounding whiny. Tired, exhausted, sleepy most of the time, feeling heavy or bloated, my hair has been bad. MY HAIR HAS BEEN BAD. thats def the worst thing, having bad hair days. It’s the night shifts and constantly shifting from days to nights.
I kinda opened up to the wifey yesterday and admitted it. I don’t like working nights anymore. 80% of my job history required working at jobs that require str8 night time work, or switching every couple of weeks. I just don’t want to do it anymore, I’m kind of done. It’s prob not true, but i think my body is paying the price for having a schedule that’s not matched to the day/night rhythm. After going to the gym for several months and eating moderately ok, i’ve lost no weight and dare i say, gained more? Something feels wrong and i’m thinking of going to the doctors because it’s not making sense to me. My work is physical, i go to the gym often, more when i work just on day shift. I try hard not to eat like a pig. More proteins, less sugar, etc etc.
Granted, I don’t eat like a saint, but for how much i’m on my feet, i shouldn’t be this overweight. But eh. I’m working on this, so just venting a little.
The other thing that I opened up a little to my wife is that, along with no longer wanting to work at a job that requires me to be so flexible… is that i don’t like my current job. I crave structure, productivity, general interest in what i’m doing. It’s not happening. The position that i currently hold offers me none of that. It’s a good job, but it breeds laziness. The lack of structure is annoying.
I told her the other day, bc she asked me about how i’m doing in “boyland.” You know, boyland, the place in my head where I keep my thoughts about men, mostly to myself and twitter. I was like, “girl, no offense, but i really really miss being hit on.” and flirting…. god i miss flirting. I said it with much less sass. But it was the truth, i do miss that.
I don’t miss the shame, all the trouble and anguish i caused, but there was something so naughty and sexy about flirting, at least through text and twitter. email.. I’m not going to go back to do that, it’s risky business.
So, there are some things that i need to change in my life or deal with a little better. I feel pretty damn good right now, I just lifted some weights, thought about how hot it would be if my pecs were rock hard and glistening in sweat. Hell yeah *tongue sticking out emojii*
The sun is coming up. I’m in my living room and my day is about to start/end, since i’ll be hitting the sack in a few hours. I’m doing alright, there are just some things that i need to figure out. As one of my twitter buddy says @discopunkk "Cheers!"