Q:Then be bad LOL
;p Perhaps I will!
Back from vacay
Ermagherd. Hey all! Back from a week of vacay in Vegas. Giving myself a week off after vacation cuz it kind of worked out that way, Yay go me! I learned a lot from taking some time off and having a little fun. Here’s a hopefully short list of things that i brought back with me from Vegas.
#1. I need to get me some dude bros. Love my wife and she’s great, she’s my best friend and we get each other, buuuuhhtt… she can’t be my only friend and we don’t always get each other. She has her limitations and her own interests and sometimes it hurts to re-realize that she not always going to be interested in what i’m interested in. Case in point. Whenever i’m in Vegas (and I’ve visited there like 4 times in the last 10 years) I’ve wanted to go to a night club. I just wanna dance bitches ok. Like have a good “wild” time, unfortunately that is such a turn off for her that we don’t do that. So I don’t do that. But i don’t wanna go alone, so I don’t. Also, the pool. OMG you better believe that if my body was poolside ready, i’d be out there soaking up the sun, something that I’m sure she would also not be interested in. I hinge a lot of what i do based off of what she wants to do, and vice versa. It’s a dynamic that is probably uncomfortable for the both of us.
#2. Life is too short to be anxious all the time. I for the most part am really really good at handling anxiety. I leave work at work and for the most part like being care free. I don’t relax as much as i need to though. Having woken up stress free and lounging on the super comfy sheets every morning at our hotel, i realized the importance of relaxing. That and buying some really nice sheets.
#3. I need to find me a new job. I feel bad for saying it, but the job that i have right now does not interest me. It pays the bills which is good. Heck, it’s not even that hard. I could do it with my eyes closed and I think that-that is the problem. I’m not excited and i think it’s time to change that.
#4. There is a real need for me to let my guard down. I keep myself very guarded from most people. In real life I keep people at arms length because I am not open about my sexuality. Especially at work, people assume i’m str8 bc i’m married and i don’t correct them cause i really don’t want to have that conversation. AND based off of the comments I’ve already heard, it would be quite the anxiety causing conversation. Fuck them bitches. BUT yeah, the true honest me, people only get a watered down corporate work friendly version. I think though that this keeps me from forming friendships, people can’t seem to quite figure me out. To a degree I like that, then again i get lonely at times.
So yeah, I did a lot of reflecting on this trip, I enjoyed myself though. If you follow me on twitter @twtbobby you can see some of the swag i got from being on the strip. There was even a facepic briefly but i took it down. So, that’s it for now. Catch you guys again sometime soon, hopefully!
- Setting- A LONG TIME AGO when I came out to a female coworker.
- Her: Bobby, you're bi?! Out of all the guys we work with, i thought you were the straightest.
- Me: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahaha
- *girl who you trying to flatter*
Note to self
So before you forget because you have tons of useless ideas in your head all the time: write out that porn script/scifi movie idea you had. The robot/alien thing that can shape shift and it does so to sleep with everyone on the ship, shifting from male to female as necessary. Don’t forget! Call it something like, project Cody or something. Something with a name that is ambiguous. NOT Ashley or Kerry.
This. Slut. Is. Back.
with headlines that don’t particularly match the content of the post. :)
I have felt so so damn off the last couple of weeks. I don’t know how to describe it without sounding whiny. Tired, exhausted, sleepy most of the time, feeling heavy or bloated, my hair has been bad. MY HAIR HAS BEEN BAD. thats def the worst thing, having bad hair days. It’s the night shifts and constantly shifting from days to nights.
I kinda opened up to the wifey yesterday and admitted it. I don’t like working nights anymore. 80% of my job history required working at jobs that require str8 night time work, or switching every couple of weeks. I just don’t want to do it anymore, I’m kind of done. It’s prob not true, but i think my body is paying the price for having a schedule that’s not matched to the day/night rhythm. After going to the gym for several months and eating moderately ok, i’ve lost no weight and dare i say, gained more? Something feels wrong and i’m thinking of going to the doctors because it’s not making sense to me. My work is physical, i go to the gym often, more when i work just on day shift. I try hard not to eat like a pig. More proteins, less sugar, etc etc.
Granted, I don’t eat like a saint, but for how much i’m on my feet, i shouldn’t be this overweight. But eh. I’m working on this, so just venting a little.
The other thing that I opened up a little to my wife is that, along with no longer wanting to work at a job that requires me to be so flexible… is that i don’t like my current job. I crave structure, productivity, general interest in what i’m doing. It’s not happening. The position that i currently hold offers me none of that. It’s a good job, but it breeds laziness. The lack of structure is annoying.
I told her the other day, bc she asked me about how i’m doing in “boyland.” You know, boyland, the place in my head where I keep my thoughts about men, mostly to myself and twitter. I was like, “girl, no offense, but i really really miss being hit on.” and flirting…. god i miss flirting. I said it with much less sass. But it was the truth, i do miss that.
I don’t miss the shame, all the trouble and anguish i caused, but there was something so naughty and sexy about flirting, at least through text and twitter. email.. I’m not going to go back to do that, it’s risky business.
So, there are some things that i need to change in my life or deal with a little better. I feel pretty damn good right now, I just lifted some weights, thought about how hot it would be if my pecs were rock hard and glistening in sweat. Hell yeah *tongue sticking out emojii*
The sun is coming up. I’m in my living room and my day is about to start/end, since i’ll be hitting the sack in a few hours. I’m doing alright, there are just some things that i need to figure out. As one of my twitter buddy says @discopunkk "Cheers!"
All I Do Is Win
Hey Hi Heyyyy
I have things to say, things of very minor importance, sooo. Yeah.
I love my wife, I miss her quite often and we see each other a lot.
The other day I had a hot sex dream involving Amy Schumer, which was out of left field.
Bought a house. So very proud of my self.
Lost a promotion, or rather, didn’t get a job position that was a step up and more $$$, but i’m kinda glad because i do like money, but i don’t like added stress.
I’m just trying to keep it chill, damn.
I miss my parents and my brothers, but mostly my parents.
Space is good though, because I needs me my space from them.
Cause they don’t know i’m Atheist, Bisexual, and the alphabet goes on and on.
It sounds terrible, but i sort of miss misbehaving. Right? I know. I don’t wish for added drama in my life, don’t want none of that. Don’t miss the fighting, the feeling like shit, the self loathing. But i do miss that high of being hit on.
I loves me getting hit on.
I miss hitting on others. Dudes. Ladies too but none of them ever took me seriously. Glad too, cuz what was i going to do if they actually thought i was serious? Oops… I’m married?
oh let’s see what other little thoughts are swirling in my mind.
I’m thinking about rearranging the contents of my refrigerator.
I’m missing out on summer, once again, because somebody here like cake.
Was thinking about it yesterday. I totally need some man dude friends. It would be nice to have a lady friend too. Maybe someone who can be my gay best friend. (I refuse to use that term that ends with “hag”) but I kind of like keeping to myself. Like, I want friends, so i’m not constantly alone, laughing at my own jokes, but i like being by myself, laughing at my own jokes.
Well… i think that having friends would hopefully open myself up to new experiences and that’s what i desperately want, to enjoy, to learn, to do something different. Although, finding friends and keeping people in your life who don’t disappoint are hard to come by.
Me wants to buy a sewing machine. I totally want one but i won’t buy it for myself. Idk why. I can think of a million things to do with one, but i’m getting hung up on a gender stereotype thing. It’s a little mess of a conversation where i’m just like, who gives a fuck, and fuck them if they do. Idk. We will see. I’d love to be able to make my own clothes. Or at least a pillow case or three.
I made a canvas out of two smaller canvases. It’s roughly 3’ x 4’ and it hangs over our dinning table. I feel like such genius bc i nailed the frames together and bought canvas to stretch over it. I saved at least 50 bucks. Oh and i fixed the leaking toilets and successfully avoided poison ivy yesterday while pulling weeds.
I’m enjoying the good life and i’m wondering if i’m not trying to sabotage it, or if i miss in some fucked up way, being depressed. I want to say that i don’t miss it, and i don’t believe that i do, it’s just this weird uncomfortable feeling of missing, something. Part of me thinks i miss the rush of testosterone that i got from thinking about dude bros.
I don’t think about guys as often and i don’t flirt with any. I don’t really get off from guy porn as much. It bores me almost as much as straight porn does. Then again, there are some nights… ;)
I have this really weird out of left field fear that my blog will become fodder for some ex-gay, self loathing dude. It’s really odd. Cause I’m not those things, so why do i have that thought? Idk.
I feel like a very accomplished young man. I feel proud of being where i am today, personally, financially, professionally, so on and so forth. I feel good about myself, but i think that i feel from time to time, some guilt. Not guilt and maybe i’m just being a bleeding heart, but I feel bad that I’ve been able to sky rocket, so to speak in my successes. I consider myself very lucky, although i don’t believe in “luck” per-say. I feel fortunate and even though i don’t particularly like the word, blessed. It’s a small bit of anxiety, because I constantly keep winning at this game of life.
So i’m going to go make myself a nice tall cup of coffee. It’s my Saturday morning and im off to tweet and relax. See ya!